I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
