yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
