dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
