Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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