Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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