All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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