10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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