I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
