i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
