He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
