i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
