I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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