Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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