I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
