All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
