Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
