I hate your face
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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