can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My penis needs a shock collar
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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