ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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