I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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