i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
