worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
