I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
