pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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