I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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