so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
