is your mom at the bar?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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