this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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