So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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