i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
