Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
