Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize