I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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