I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
