"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
