in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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