Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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