I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
