shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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