i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Still dying that you shit outside
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
