i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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