i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
