My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
