Plan B is the new Plan A
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
