6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
