Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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