Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
