Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
