i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i now understand why vodka
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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