I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
