Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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