Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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