i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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